Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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