She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
