Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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