i was born a porn star she said
Acid is not a monday night drug
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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