DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
