Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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