Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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