the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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