I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
