Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
