they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
