Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize