i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
