I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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