But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
