i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
