Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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