overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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