wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
