then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
