Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
