I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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