it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
