i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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