remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
