Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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