tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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