I want to stick my p in your. b.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
