i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just blew my weed a kiss
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize