i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
