My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize