why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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