I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
