is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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