this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
