my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
