dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
