apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
