my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
