i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
