he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Houston, we have a squirter
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
