Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
