When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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