remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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