Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
