if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize