just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
