there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize