Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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