I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
