y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
