Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
she told me i tasted like america
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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