Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
