Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
