don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
