She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
