What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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