On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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