just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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