I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
