Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
