You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
