Whod you bang
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Can you repeat that, but with context?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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