I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
