I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Randomize
