How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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