Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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