It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
