you traded sex for a burrito?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
