Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
