i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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