Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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