After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
