I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
