if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
