Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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