I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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