Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
