I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize