??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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