you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
