i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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