You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
ā€ˇ"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
