thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
