What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
the day after is always just damage control
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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