no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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