there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
