Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize