i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
