grandma shit on top of the toilet
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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