I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
