You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
