His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
