Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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